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Funny. - Perfectly Pansy
The malevolent have hidden teeth.
perfectly_pansy
perfectly_pansy
Funny.
Events of late gave me cause to move out of Slytherin for the duration of the week; I've been sleeping in that strange room that gives you whatever your heart desires . . . well, perhaps it doesn't quite work that way. I find that sometimes my wish is granted straight away; other times, it's not answered at all. I never know when I'll have to slog up and down the stairs for something I believe I need, but the room doesn't provide. Hence, I am finding myself thinking very carefully about what it is I believe I need, as opposed to things I merely want; and because I really loathe trotting up and down seven flights of stairs for one item, I have had a very discerning week, if you catch my meaning.

I am a discerning person in general -- I loathe most things, but that which I fancy I am exceptionally loyal and partial to, even when I'm having my usual moments of selfishness. Most often my selfishness does not bother me in the slightest. I am also a clever person; it vexes me when I come across a problem or situation that I cannot understand, even if only on an intellectual level, if not an emotional one.

I admit, I am completely stumped. I do not believe the solution to what to me is a glaringly obvious case of mental imbalance will be found in the tomes of the library, my usual haunt when perplexed. So, Hogwarts, I lay out my problem for all of you to consider . . .

What on earth is wrong with my ex-boyfriend, Zacharias Smith?

As you all know, Zach and I once dated; it ended foremost because of our inherent disagreement over Muggles. Zach has Muggle relatives; I do not. Zach wanted me to be friendly with his Muggle relatives; I didn't want to. But there was something else. A week or so before we fought over Muggles, I did something quite wrong. I tried to tell Zach what I had done. It was strange -- this moment, this iota of time, where I thought to myself I do not wish to hurt this person.

Which, as you know, has certainly never been any kind of stumbling block before.

Maybe I was foolish. Maybe I should have just gone ahead and hurt him at that moment, seeing as it was, I guess, inevitable in the long run. I snogged Nathaniel while I was still dating Zach, and it certainly wasn't planned, but it happened, and I don't really care what any of you all think about it. Things happen for a reason, yeah? I'm only saying this so all the information is out there, for I don't understand what's wrong with Zach now! It's been eight months since that happened, and I apologised sincerely -- for I am sorry -- yet I do not know when I have the right to be angrier than he is with me, for the way he's acting. It's not like it doesn't affect me still, or that I've just put it behind me. I don't think I can put it behind me, at least not with Zach being mental and whatnot.

I think it's too simple to say 'enough is enough' and call Zach a right arse for behaving the way he is; I believe something is truly wrong with Zach. He's as vindictive as I am, certainly; however, something doesn't feel right. I think what Nathaniel said the other night struck a chord with me: Smith is not himself, even if he does not know it.

Hmm.

Further, I know something is wrong because Justin won't talk with me about it. He always does that when Zach is hiding something. What if Zach has been possessed by Voldemort? My father says Voldemort can do that -- or at least people believe he can. What if he's been infested by brain nargles? What if he's plotting my murder? What if he's plotting Nathaniel's murder? What if he's plotting to become an animagus so he might sneak into Slytherin as a fire salamander and walk with his slimey sucker-cuppy feet over my clean duvet? What if he's poisoning my butterscotch supply? What if he's planning some sort of embarrassing expose of me (everyone is entitled to their skeletons!)? What if it's dark magic? What if . . .

Madam Sprout, I think you ought make arrangements for Zach to travel to St. Mungo's straight away.

Will you help me figure it out? I understand I did a Very Bad Thing . . . but this has gone on too long. What do you all think is wrong with Zach? I think we must band together to save a fellow classmate! That's tonnes better than swapping robes for two weeks, don't you all think?

One thing I do know: I do not stand in fear. Unlike others. Which means, perhaps, that the events sussed themselves out as they should have. Perhaps, Zach, it would do you good to have a similar insight.

I'm feeling: I'm not telling you *that*
Music In My Mind: Desdemonian Dolls : Coin Operated Boy

42 comments because Wear pink knickers
Comments
huffy_zach From: huffy_zach Date: November 26th, 2004 11:22 pm (UTC) (Link)
What in Merlin's name are you on about, Parkinson? If this is your idea of a joke, please know it is not funny in the least.
perfectly_pansy From: perfectly_pansy Date: November 27th, 2004 12:26 am (UTC) (Link)
It's no joke.
huffy_zach From: huffy_zach Date: November 28th, 2004 01:16 am (UTC) (Link)
It is clearly some sort of vindicitve hoax which you are perpetrating in retaliation for my inquiries about the scones.

Whatever the case, this is all lies and it's really quite horrible of you to portray me this way to the school when you know none of it ever happened.
perfectly_pansy From: perfectly_pansy Date: November 28th, 2004 01:21 am (UTC) (Link)
How do you explain all the journal entries, then, Zach? You can't pretend it didn't happen.
huffy_zach From: huffy_zach Date: November 28th, 2004 10:56 pm (UTC) (Link)
Obviously you have somehow discovered the password and doctored the entries. I know Ididn't type them up. Really, I'd remember it. You're really carrying this a little too far. Perhaps you secretly wish you had dated me, and that is why you are perpetrating this hoax? I'm sorry, Parkinson, but if it's worth all this trouble you can have a turn at me.
trained_wizard From: trained_wizard Date: November 27th, 2004 12:40 am (UTC) (Link)
PANSY!!!!!!
perfectly_pansy From: perfectly_pansy Date: November 27th, 2004 07:24 am (UTC) (Link)
WHAT?!?!
huffy_zach From: huffy_zach Date: November 28th, 2004 01:20 am (UTC) (Link)
JUSTIN.

You know something. Why is she doing this? Everyone believes her.

I am going to murder someone.
perfectly_pansy From: perfectly_pansy Date: November 28th, 2004 01:26 am (UTC) (Link)
That's because what I'm saying is true!
huffy_zach From: huffy_zach Date: November 28th, 2004 10:56 pm (UTC) (Link)
It is NOT.

You. Are. Mental.
trained_wizard From: trained_wizard Date: November 27th, 2004 12:43 am (UTC) (Link)
I can't believe you did this.
perfectly_pansy From: perfectly_pansy Date: November 27th, 2004 07:26 am (UTC) (Link)
And I can't believe after all we've been through you won't trust me enough to confide in me what's wrong. I know you know, Justin. I know it. Yet, you won't tell me. You're second in line to the throne, you know. I just wish it were the same on your part.
trained_wizard From: trained_wizard Date: November 27th, 2004 11:58 am (UTC) (Link)
The second in line for the...? Oh. I do know, but it's not my place to tell yet. I'm not even sure if something is "wrong" at this point. It all seems to be working rather well. Too well.
perfectly_pansy From: perfectly_pansy Date: November 27th, 2004 12:00 pm (UTC) (Link)
Yes, second in line to the . . . yeah.

He's dabbling again, isn't he?
trained_wizard From: trained_wizard Date: November 27th, 2004 12:08 pm (UTC) (Link)

perfectly_pansy From: perfectly_pansy Date: November 27th, 2004 12:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
Okay. Okay.

God.
huffy_zach From: huffy_zach Date: November 28th, 2004 01:17 am (UTC) (Link)
Do you know what the blessed hell this mad bint is on about, Justin?!
trained_wizard From: trained_wizard Date: November 27th, 2004 12:44 am (UTC) (Link)
Is NOTHING sacred anymore?
perfectly_pansy From: perfectly_pansy Date: November 27th, 2004 07:27 am (UTC) (Link)
What, something was sacred to begin with?
trained_wizard From: trained_wizard Date: November 27th, 2004 11:59 am (UTC) (Link)
Apparently not. And I say that to Zach as much as to you.
perfectly_pansy From: perfectly_pansy Date: November 27th, 2004 12:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
I know not of what you speak.
trained_wizard From: trained_wizard Date: November 27th, 2004 12:45 am (UTC) (Link)
You know, you're one to talk about keeping secrets from people. Honestly.
perfectly_pansy From: perfectly_pansy Date: November 27th, 2004 08:15 am (UTC) (Link)
My secrets do not publicly mock anyone.
trained_wizard From: trained_wizard Date: November 27th, 2004 12:00 pm (UTC) (Link)
That could be disputed, all of which is neither here nor there at the moment.
trained_wizard From: trained_wizard Date: November 27th, 2004 12:45 am (UTC) (Link)
POSSESSED. By VOLDEMORT. Zach.

As IF.
perfectly_pansy From: perfectly_pansy Date: November 27th, 2004 07:29 am (UTC) (Link)
PETRIFIED. By VOLDEMORT. Justin?

As IF.

Oh, wait . . . .
trained_wizard From: trained_wizard Date: November 27th, 2004 12:00 pm (UTC) (Link)
Oi.
perfectly_pansy From: perfectly_pansy Date: November 27th, 2004 12:02 pm (UTC) (Link)

trained_wizard From: trained_wizard Date: November 27th, 2004 12:50 am (UTC) (Link)
You are SO infuriating sometimes. Maybe I should be watching my back. Who knows what you will rehash next. And this is just RIDICULOUS.
perfectly_pansy From: perfectly_pansy Date: November 27th, 2004 07:33 am (UTC) (Link)
IT'S NOT RIDICULOUS!!! SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ZACH, AND EXCUSE ME BUT HAVE I PUBLICLY REHASHED ANYTHING RELATING TO YOU, HMM?!?!

No, I have not. You're so busy watching Zach's back, and your own back, that you forget about my back, and it's NOT RIDICULOUS, because he is HURTING ME, but maybe you both think I ought to take my lumps, right?

Maybe I should. I don't know, really. I don't know how long is long enough.
trained_wizard From: trained_wizard Date: November 27th, 2004 12:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
Technically, nothing IS wrong with him. Just ignore him for now, he's in a phase. It does you know good to read more into his comments then there is - just... ignore him. Ignore it. The last thing he is trying to do is hurt you, whether he remembers that or not when he's typing in these things.

He's not trying to punish you. Don't punish yourself.
perfectly_pansy From: perfectly_pansy Date: November 27th, 2004 12:07 pm (UTC) (Link)
A . . . phase? What phase is that? 'Biggest arsehole ex-boyfriend in the world' phase? Fabulous. Bloody fabulous.

Wait a minute . . . you just said the same thing as Nathaniel: whether he remembers it or not! He's messing with his memories? Justin?
trained_wizard From: trained_wizard Date: November 27th, 2004 12:09 pm (UTC) (Link)
I don't know what you're talking about.
perfectly_pansy From: perfectly_pansy Date: November 27th, 2004 12:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
You do. Look, let's skip the song and dance, shall we? Where should we meet?
trained_wizard From: trained_wizard Date: November 27th, 2004 12:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
Meet me outside the Hall after dinner.
perfectly_pansy From: perfectly_pansy Date: November 27th, 2004 12:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'll be there.
trained_wizard From: trained_wizard Date: November 27th, 2004 12:53 am (UTC) (Link)
Are you sure the brain nargles didn't get to you first? Thanks a lot. Now he's pissed. I am NOT appreciative. So, maybe you should be wary of your butterscotch supply.
perfectly_pansy From: perfectly_pansy Date: November 27th, 2004 07:37 am (UTC) (Link)
What, so it's not okay for ZACH to be hacked off, but it's perfectly fine for PANSY to be? Fantastic. Good to know.
trained_wizard From: trained_wizard Date: November 27th, 2004 11:56 am (UTC) (Link)
No. This is all wrong. He's not trying to hurt you. It's complicated - but again, such a situation is something you should be familiar with. Don't you trust me? I'll tell you if and when I can.
perfectly_pansy From: perfectly_pansy Date: November 27th, 2004 11:59 am (UTC) (Link)
I want to trust you. But it seems I trust you with more than you trust me with. Don't you think I have a right to know? Seeing as it involves me directly?
trained_wizard From: trained_wizard Date: November 27th, 2004 12:07 pm (UTC) (Link)
It's not that simple. I think you already know though, in a way. I just don't want to make things worse.
perfectly_pansy From: perfectly_pansy Date: November 27th, 2004 12:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
How could he be so weak?

I get it. I understand.

How do we help him?
42 comments because Wear pink knickers