of late gave me cause to move out of Slytherin for the duration of the week; I've been sleeping in that strange room that gives you whatever your heart desires . . . well, perhaps it doesn't quite work that way. I find that sometimes my wish is granted straight away; other times, it's not answered at all. I never know when I'll have to slog up and down the stairs for something I believe I need, but the room doesn't provide. Hence, I am finding myself thinking very carefully about what it is I believe I need, as opposed to things I merely want
; and because I really loathe trotting up and down seven flights of stairs for one item, I have had a very discerning week, if you catch my meaning.
I am a discerning person in general -- I loathe most things, but that which I fancy I am exceptionally loyal and partial to, even when I'm having my usual moments of selfishness. Most often my selfishness does not bother me in the slightest. I am also a clever person; it vexes me when I come across a problem or situation that I cannot understand, even if only on an intellectual level, if not an emotional one.
I admit, I am completely stumped. I do not believe the solution to what to me is a glaringly obvious case of mental imbalance will be found in the tomes of the library, my usual haunt when perplexed. So, Hogwarts, I lay out my problem for all of you to consider . . .
What on earth is wrong with my ex-boyfriend, Zacharias Smith?
As you all know, Zach and I once dated; it ended foremost because of our inherent disagreement
over Muggles. Zach has Muggle relatives; I do not. Zach wanted me to be friendly with his Muggle relatives; I didn't want to. But there was something else. A week or so before we fought over Muggles, I did something quite wrong. I tried
to tell Zach what I had done. It was strange -- this moment, this iota
of time, where I thought to myself I do not wish to hurt this person
Which, as you
know, has certainly never been any kind of stumbling block before
Maybe I was foolish. Maybe I should have just gone ahead and hurt him at that moment, seeing as it was, I guess, inevitable in the long run. I snogged Nathaniel while I was still dating Zach, and it certainly wasn't planned
, but it happened, and I don't really care what any of you all think about it. Things happen for a reason, yeah? I'm only saying this so all the information is out there, for I don't understand
what's wrong with Zach now! It's been eight months since that happened, and I apologised sincerely -- for I am
sorry -- yet I do not know when I have the right to be angrier than he is with me, for the way he's acting. It's not like it doesn't affect me still, or that I've just put it behind me. I don't think I can
put it behind me, at least not with Zach being mental and whatnot.
I think it's too simple to say 'enough is enough' and call Zach a right arse for behaving the way he is; I believe something is truly wrong with Zach. He's as vindictive as I am, certainly; however, something doesn't feel
right. I think what Nathaniel said the other night struck a chord with me: Smith is not himself, even if he does not know it.
Further, I know something is wrong because Justin won't talk with me about it. He always does that when Zach is hiding something. What if Zach has been possessed by Voldemort? My father says Voldemort can do that -- or at least people believe he can. What if he's been infested by brain nargles? What if he's plotting my murder? What if he's plotting Nathaniel's murder? What if he's plotting to become an animagus so he might sneak into Slytherin as a fire salamander and walk with his slimey sucker-cuppy feet over my clean duvet? What if he's poisoning my butterscotch supply? What if he's planning some sort of embarrassing expose of me (everyone is entitled to their skeletons!)? What if it's dark magic? What if . . .
Madam Sprout, I think you ought make arrangements for Zach to travel to St. Mungo's straight away.
Will you help me figure it out? I understand I did a Very Bad Thing . . . but this has gone on too long. What do you
all think is wrong with Zach? I think we must band together to save a fellow classmate! That's tonnes better than swapping robes for two weeks, don't you all think?
One thing I do know: I do not stand in fear
. Unlike others. Which means, perhaps, that the events sussed themselves out as they should have. Perhaps, Zach, it would do you good to have a similar insight.
I'm feeling: I'm not telling you *that*
Music In My Mind: Desdemonian Dolls : Coin Operated Boy