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What I Said People I Vex So busy! Pansy Sod Off Back In Time Sod Off Back In Time
Perfectly Pansy
The malevolent have hidden teeth.
Are you all still here?

Well, so am I.

A bit troubling at the end there, but I managed to make it through all right.

I miss it.


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I'm feeling: bored bored

Wear pink knickers
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I'm feeling: busy busy
Music In My Mind: Owls hooting

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I'm feeling: restless restless
Music In My Mind: Voldetaire: Dead Girls

For every action there is a reason. For every right, a wrong. I know when I am wrong, and something is wrong, although the root cause remains elusive still. Yet at some point it simply doesn't matter anymore. If you can't discern what is wrong, then sod it all, right? Right. Just forge on, keep going, march hither and there, and perhaps the meaning will make itself obvious in time. But if not, well what can a girl do? Know they enemy, even if thy enemy is thyself. Enemies wax and wane.

There are a many things I must say to a few people. Nathaniel, Zacharias, Justin, Granger, etc. I shall start with the petty trifles: throwing ink is wrong. Granger, I am ready to accept your apology now.

I'm feeling: discontent discontent

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Roses are Red
Violets are Moo.
I snogged another boy
When I was with you.

I'm feeling: Bovine
Music In My Mind: The Smiths : Meat is Murder so MOO!

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Events of late gave me cause to move out of Slytherin for the duration of the week; I've been sleeping in that strange room that gives you whatever your heart desires . . . well, perhaps it doesn't quite work that way. I find that sometimes my wish is granted straight away; other times, it's not answered at all. I never know when I'll have to slog up and down the stairs for something I believe I need, but the room doesn't provide. Hence, I am finding myself thinking very carefully about what it is I believe I need, as opposed to things I merely want; and because I really loathe trotting up and down seven flights of stairs for one item, I have had a very discerning week, if you catch my meaning.

I am a discerning person in general -- I loathe most things, but that which I fancy I am exceptionally loyal and partial to, even when I'm having my usual moments of selfishness. Most often my selfishness does not bother me in the slightest. I am also a clever person; it vexes me when I come across a problem or situation that I cannot understand, even if only on an intellectual level, if not an emotional one.

I admit, I am completely stumped. I do not believe the solution to what to me is a glaringly obvious case of mental imbalance will be found in the tomes of the library, my usual haunt when perplexed. So, Hogwarts, I lay out my problem for all of you to consider . . .

What on earth is wrong with my ex-boyfriend, Zacharias Smith?

As you all know, Zach and I once dated; it ended foremost because of our inherent disagreement over Muggles. Zach has Muggle relatives; I do not. Zach wanted me to be friendly with his Muggle relatives; I didn't want to. But there was something else. A week or so before we fought over Muggles, I did something quite wrong. I tried to tell Zach what I had done. It was strange -- this moment, this iota of time, where I thought to myself I do not wish to hurt this person.

Which, as you know, has certainly never been any kind of stumbling block before.

Maybe I was foolish. Maybe I should have just gone ahead and hurt him at that moment, seeing as it was, I guess, inevitable in the long run. I snogged Nathaniel while I was still dating Zach, and it certainly wasn't planned, but it happened, and I don't really care what any of you all think about it. Things happen for a reason, yeah? I'm only saying this so all the information is out there, for I don't understand what's wrong with Zach now! It's been eight months since that happened, and I apologised sincerely -- for I am sorry -- yet I do not know when I have the right to be angrier than he is with me, for the way he's acting. It's not like it doesn't affect me still, or that I've just put it behind me. I don't think I can put it behind me, at least not with Zach being mental and whatnot.

I think it's too simple to say 'enough is enough' and call Zach a right arse for behaving the way he is; I believe something is truly wrong with Zach. He's as vindictive as I am, certainly; however, something doesn't feel right. I think what Nathaniel said the other night struck a chord with me: Smith is not himself, even if he does not know it.


Further, I know something is wrong because Justin won't talk with me about it. He always does that when Zach is hiding something. What if Zach has been possessed by Voldemort? My father says Voldemort can do that -- or at least people believe he can. What if he's been infested by brain nargles? What if he's plotting my murder? What if he's plotting Nathaniel's murder? What if he's plotting to become an animagus so he might sneak into Slytherin as a fire salamander and walk with his slimey sucker-cuppy feet over my clean duvet? What if he's poisoning my butterscotch supply? What if he's planning some sort of embarrassing expose of me (everyone is entitled to their skeletons!)? What if it's dark magic? What if . . .

Madam Sprout, I think you ought make arrangements for Zach to travel to St. Mungo's straight away.

Will you help me figure it out? I understand I did a Very Bad Thing . . . but this has gone on too long. What do you all think is wrong with Zach? I think we must band together to save a fellow classmate! That's tonnes better than swapping robes for two weeks, don't you all think?

One thing I do know: I do not stand in fear. Unlike others. Which means, perhaps, that the events sussed themselves out as they should have. Perhaps, Zach, it would do you good to have a similar insight.

I'm feeling: I'm not telling you *that*
Music In My Mind: Desdemonian Dolls : Coin Operated Boy

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A word, if you please.

I'm feeling: suspicious

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Nathaniel's resting again, so I thought I'd take a moment to remind you all once again of my divine presence! I've been very busy here in Wales since Wednesday. Mrs. Warrington has given me a beautiful suite of rooms to stay in, with a really fantastic bath! Honestly, it rivals the prefects bath at Hogwarts. I've spent a bit of time in the bath, but usually I like to read whilst bathing, and to be honest, I'm bored to death with reading, having spent the last six weeks doing nothing but.

Sometime before tomorrow evening, I shall complete my potions assignment, and I think I understand the general theme of creativity. Seeing as I'm in Wales, I thought it only fitting to research native Welsh plantlife for my potions assignment. I've collected eight specimins thus far, and now I only have to choose which ingredients to incorporate into an original potion. I have: POTIONS INGREDIENTSCollapse )

The question is, do I want to brew an offensive potion, or a defensive one? I know the one ingredient I will use either way is the intermediate wintergreen, because it will lend a pleasant taste to my potion. In the case of an offensive potion, I'd want it to be as beguiling as possible. I suppose the same is true for a defensive potion; people in the most need of defensive potions are often the most unwilling to imbibe. Hairy mallow -- perhaps a warming potion for when one is lost on the moor? Grey mouse ear -- eavesdropping? Making one unnoticeable? Toad-flax leaved St John's Wort could perhaps calm the injured or dying; I imagine it feels even more horrid to realise one is injured or dying unexpectedly -- as for me, I've decided I'd much rather not know when I'm to die. I'd rather just die without warning. Meadow clary . . . is there need for clarity potions on an emergency basis? Yes, I expect so; however, it would depend how long it would take to brew the potion, because after a certain point it becomes ineffective to rely on a clarity potion, because if one is feeling incoherent to begin with, impromptu potions are not really an option. That doesn't mean they aren't useful to stockpile, though. Baltic bog moss -- confusing? I really don't know what churchyard lecanactis is useful for. Maybe Mrs. Warrington has herbology texts I could look through. I will ask.

I've also met Nathaniel's father and his brother. Of course I was still younger when Casius was at Hogwarts with us, so I didn't know him very well, but he is . . . well, he can be amusing, really! For example, when he sleeps in his chair -- head thrown back, open, and snoring -- you can toss shelled peanuts into his mouth, and he swallows them whole! Without even waking up! It's bloody brilliant! Nathaniel, I can't believe you kept Casius's brilliance a secret from me for this long! Do you think we could charm him so that he makes elephant trumpeting noises in lieu of the loud snoring? I was also thinking we might dress him up in glue and feathers, or some like costume.

Justin, how is Oxford? Is all well? I'd ask after Zach, too, but I'm sure he can't be arsed to leave the library -- he likely bloody forgot it was a holiday two seconds after McGonagall announced it.

I'm feeling: mischievous mischievous

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Kill me now.

I hate the Knight Bus.

I'm feeling: nauseated nauseated

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